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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27867425">i’m alright if you’re alright</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Kozume Kenma, Communication, Crying, Depression, Depressive Episode, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, hinata is a good boyfriend</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 00:22:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,879</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27867425</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In the midst of a depressive episode, Kenma feels like he’s drowning. Hinata comes over and begins to help.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>73</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i’m alright if you’re alright</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been probably two weeks by this point. Everyday was a constant struggle- getting out of bed was cause for near physical pain, and it drained Kenma to do even the most basic of tasks. He could hardly brush his teeth, or eat, or do anything other than lay in his bed and play games for hours on end. It was summertime, so at least he was free of school responsibilities, but he still had volleyball. He’d been skipping practices and Kuroo had been on his ass about it constantly, but he just wanted to be left alone. He was so wrapped up in his own void of aching emptiness that doing anything that required physical activity made him nauseous. The simple act of taking his pills didn’t appeal to him either, so each time his alarm went off for them on his phone, he’d turn it off and go back to his game.</p>
<p>His mood swings had been awful because of this, and if he was more aware of himself, he’d feel awful for his boyfriend. Hinata was always cheerfully texting him and sending him loving audio messages, and all Kenma would do was ignore his calls and give him short, emotionless texts. He wasn’t even aware he was being awful, either. And then he’d get these bursts of emotion and love for Shoyo out of nowhere, and he’d spam him with affection, only to revert to his same indifference a few hours later.</p>
<p>It was impossible for Hinata not to feel hurt by Kenma’s low moods- they made him feel unappreciated, and maybe like the other didn’t love him. But he had to remind himself constantly about how the setter’s brain functioned. It was different than his own, and even if he didn’t fully understand, he would try his best to be supportive. Since Kenma wasn’t usually open about how he was doing mentally, Hinata had no idea the kind of depressive episode he was going through at the moment, though he had gotten a lot of texts from Kuroo that were pleading him to convince Kenma to return to practice, but he thought that was pretty normal. The other didn’t have nearly the same kind of passion for volleyball that Shoyo, or even Kuroo, did. That was a known fact, so he didn’t find it very out of the ordinary.</p>
<p>Hinata had figured, since the team was taking a week break from summer practice, that he’d go spend that week with Kenma. They didn’t see each other in person nearly as much as they’d like to, considering the long distance between where they lived, so he thought it’d make Kenma happy for them to spend a large chunk of time together, and maybe it would help his unstable mood. He’d even decided to make it a surprise, so by the time he had taken the train to the station by Kenma’s house, now only a ten minute walk away, the setter had no idea, and was still residing in his hazardously messy room, immersed in the game on his PSP.</p>
<p>———</p>
<p>Kenma had thought the knock on his door would’ve been his mom. “What do you want?” He snapped, slamming his game against his blanket covered lap. When he looked up, though, he saw a familiar mess of orange hair. It was Shoyo, wearing a sheepish smile that quickly turned a little concerned when he noticed the state of Kenma’s room. You could hardly take a step inside, there were clothes all over the floor, dirty dishes on every surface.</p>
<p>“Hi..!” Hinata finally greeted, giving Kenma a little wave. The setter simply stared at him in shock, fidgeting with the joystick on his console as he did.</p>
<p>“Uhm… Hey. What are you doing here?” He asked bluntly, getting out of bed and grabbing Shoyo’s hand, leading him through the small path on the floor that was cleared of stuff so Kenma could get to his bed from the door. He sat his boyfriend on the bed before wrapping his arms around him. He didn’t even think about the fact that he hadn’t showered in quite a little while and had been wearing the same clothes for days.</p>
<p>“I thought I’d spend the week. I don’t have practice until next monday and we hadn’t seen each other in a while. I missed you.” Hinata explained, but he was quickly becoming concerned with the state Kenma was in. The other smelled pretty bad, as much as Shoyo wouldn’t say it to him directly, and his room was a disaster. On top of that, Kuroo’s mention of him not coming to practice now seemed a little more concerning.</p>
<p>“I missed you too, I’m glad you’ll be here.” Kenma nodded in a tone that sounded a little unsure. Hinata bit the inside of his cheek, considering what he should say next.</p>
<p>“Are you doing okay..?” He suddenly blurted out, and Kenma looked at him curiously. “I mean, all of this… Your room is pretty bad, I’m not trying to be mean… And, when was the last time you showered..?” He questioned, his brows pinched. The other turned a deep shade of red and immediately when to see if he really smelled that bad- which he did.</p>
<p>“...I’m sorry.” Kenma muttered. Hinata shook his head quickly.</p>
<p>“Don’t say that! Have you been taking your meds?” He questioned with a kind smile, and Kenma felt guilty under that expression. He didn’t want to be honest, plus, he didn’t see what good those pills did him anyway. He ended up feeling like this because of them.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” He lied, and there was a stretch of silence. Shoyo didn’t know how, but he could tell the other was being dishonest in some form.</p>
<p>“Okay, uhm… I believe you, but do you mind if I check your pill thingy? I just wanna make sure…” He asked, staying upbeat as ever even in a situation like this. Kenma’s heart felt like it crawled up his throat, and he quickly glanced at his pill case on his nightstand, which had every single day filled with his doses, not a single one emptied. Silently, he gave it to Hinata, his shame amplifying with the sound of the medicine shaking inside. “Kenma…” Shoyo frowned, “Y’know you’ve got to take them. If you don’t, you’re never gonna feel better.”</p>
<p>“But even when I take them I feel like this.” The setter insisted, but Hinata quickly shook his head, pouring a dosage out of the case and placing it into Kenma’s palm gently, grabbing a water bottle from the nightstand.</p>
<p>“That’s not true, I know it’s not. Because when you take them, you’re like normal again. So, please?” He pleaded with wide eyes, and Kenma couldn’t bear to refuse him, sighing before popping the medicine into his mouth and washing it down. It felt like he was swallowing poison, like maybe it was slowly killing him, but if Shoyo really wanted him to do it, he always would. “Thank you, Kenma.” The redhead smiled, and Kenma could only give a little nod. “What do you think about having a shower together? It’d be nice, and you can get clean. I’ll help.”</p>
<p>‘Sounds like hell.’ Kenma wanted to say in response. He wanted to refuse- the feeling of the water pelting his skin and the coldness as he stepped out of it. It made him cringe, the feeling of the water dripping down his skin, how it wasn’t the sensation of his blankets. But, he nodded anyway. It was hard, but… Making Shoyo happy was important to him, almost as important as his own comfort. “Okay. Just.. Just a short one, though.” He verbally responded, and Hinata grinned, nodding profusely and standing up from the bed, grabbing Kenma’s wrist.</p>
<p>“Just a short one! I’ll help you wash up, we don’t even have to do anything other than shampoo and body wash, don’t worry!” He exclaimed with just a tad too much energy as he led Kenma down the hall to the bathroom. As promised, the shower didn’t last longer than about ten minutes, Shoyo having gone in with Kenma to make sure things got done and that he could help him in case it got too much. Unfortunately, though, as they both stepped out. Kenma couldn’t stop himself from tearing up.</p>
<p>“I’m useless.” He blurted out as Hinata wrapped a towel around Kenma and himself. It sounded tearful, and the setter’s face scrunched up as he put his hands over it. He felt like such a failure, needing his hand to be held through simple tasks like showering, or taking his pills. He wasn’t a little kid, so why was it like this? Why did he feel so incapable? It was infuriating, but he couldn’t bring himself out of it. It made him want to bash his head into a wall. He was jolted from his thoughts by Hinata’s hands on either side of his head.</p>
<p>“Kenma… You’re anything but useless, please don’t say those things.” He encouraged, “You're amazing. You were amazing for showering, for taking your meds, and you’re an amazing setter, Kuroo would totally agree with me on that too, and-“</p>
<p>“Then why?!” Kenma suddenly shouted, jerking his head out of his hands to look at Shoyo with a wild, almost panicky expression. “Why do I need your help to take a fucking shower? For all these things? Like I said, I’m useless. I can’t do anything for myself. I suck.” He rambled, tears forming in his eyes and trailing down his damp face. Shoyo sighed, running his fingers through Kenma’s damp locks of hair.</p>
<p>“You need a little extra help right now.” He stated, “And that’s okay. I understand, Kuroo understands, your coach understands, even your parents understand. So, why can’t you…?” He questioned genuinely, and Kenma’s face fell blank in thought, considering what was said to him, and how insightful it really was. Why couldn’t he? Why was it so hard to admit to himself that he needed help?</p>
<p>“...I don’t know.” He finally muttered. “I just wanna get dressed and get back in bed.” He added quietly, that being what would be most comfortable for him in his mind’s current state. Hinata nodded, leading them back to the bedroom and getting himself dressed with clothes out of his bag before stepping over mass piles of random things on Kenma's floor to get to the dresser. He opened up the drawers, searching for anything clean, though there wasn’t much, he eventually found a full outfit that the other would deem comfortable, tossing it to him. Kenma gave a small word of thanks before getting dressed and going back beneath his blankets, picking up his PSP once again. Shoyo got in bed next to him, slipping beneath the covers.</p>
<p>“You know I love you?” He questioned, cuddling up against Kenma’s side. The blond stayed silent for a few moments before answering.</p>
<p>“Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. It’s hard. But I love you.” He admitted, and while Hinata understood this, it still made him sad in a way he couldn’t really describe. He gave a nod and wrapped his arms around Kenma, sighing a bit.</p>
<p>“You’ll be okay, as long as I’m here.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure I will be…”</p>
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